i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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