is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
