yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
