how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
