You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
