She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
