My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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