And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
