Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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