I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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