What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
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