:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
