I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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