Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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