Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
