I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
