just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
