I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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