sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
