Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the day after is always just damage control
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize