i just had sex bonerless
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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