You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
