it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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