Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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