no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
