Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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