So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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