so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
