i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
