Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
