i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
