I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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