girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
