grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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