well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
