Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
