Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
