Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Come share oat with me in your robe
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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