And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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