you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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