my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
