Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
