So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
