Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dicks are not precious.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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