We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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