nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
