She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
everyone is single if you try hard enough
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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