I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
