MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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