From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
