I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
