No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Say something about gay babies.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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