everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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