Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
