She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
