I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
