the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i came on her dog
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
