official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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