got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
