If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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