well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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