Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
