Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
