"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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