At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
