do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
