Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude i'm inner monologue high
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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