can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
