literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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