I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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