SEEEEXXX PLEASE
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
