Please, let me fuck your mom
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
