Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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