the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
