think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
nutella sex= disaster
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
