i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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