I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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