Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
